Are We Really That Stupid?
by one-regret-103
Summary: Proof that the human race is doomed through the stupidity of most. Details within. Enjoy. 3 of ?.
1. Do Not Put In Mouth

**Shouldn't be starting something new, but the idea just wouldn't leave me. A series of drabbles, various parings, various characters, anything goes, each with the idea of a stupid packaging/instructions label in mind. Rating stays "T" I believe, and only for language and vaguely mature themes. A quite obvious AU. Hopefully I'll do all of the labels from the web site.**

**Standard disclaimers apply: I own neither the characters, the labels, nor the idea in the summary. They belong to their respective owners, Square Enix and those funny guys at "The Funny Pages".  
**

**Updates dished out randomly, with inspiration and ideas.**

...

Silence. Blissful, peaceful silence.

"God shit, damn it, fuckin' a!"

… Ah well, it was nice while it lasted. Roxas rolled his eyes and put down his magazine – which was, in no possible way, marketed towards the teenage of the female gender, and owned by his best friend's sister – before meandering towards where the shouting was coming from.

As soon as his blond tuft of hair poked around the doorway into the kitchen, he wished he hadn't. He wished he had just done what he wanted and stayed in bed this morning. Axel had done something stupid and dangerous. Again.

He sighed, twice – he felt he needed something a little stronger – and opened his mouth. "What the hell are you doing?"

Axel, in all his _flaming _glory, stood head bent over the sink, trying to calm what appeared to be relatively angry burns on his tongue. Still smoldering fireworks lay on the floor, merrily dying out, trying to garner enough oxygen to continue with their combustion.

Roxas, being fairly quick on the uptake – according to him – put two and two together, miraculously getting an answer. But he tried to think it was something else, as he really hoped Axel hadn't actually just tried what he thought he did.

Determinedly _not _embarrassed, Axel made vague motions with his hands, telling Roxas to sit down, and that he'd be done in a moment. Or so that's what Roxas assumed. It was either that, or something quite rude to which he would have to offhandedly tell Axel off. But it wasn't so he didn't.

Grabbing a glass of water and sitting down next to Roxas, tongue aloft and very reminiscent of a golden Labrador his brother used to fawn over, Axel launched into a detailed explanation of what he called his "Most Amazingest Idea for Sparkles Ever". It involved a very intricate trick with juggling some of the fireworks, some held in his mouth, and some would be somewhere else. Roxas, again, _assumed _that's what he was saying, since Axel's tongue seemed to be a little too big for his mouth now and was stumbling over every consonant.

Roxas picked up the box _very _carefully, still questioning his friend's sanity – not for the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last – and read the box. Axel still chattered, not noticing his companion had absolutely no interest in what he was speaking of, when Roxas held up a hand, trying his very hardest not to smirk – which wasn't working too well – and Axel's inane stumbling tapered off confusedly.

Roxas pointed to big black letters on the back of the red box. "**Do not put in mouth.**"

The smirk finally broke free.

"And they say _I'm _blond."

+-+

_On a box of fireworks:_

_Do not put in mouth._

+-+


	2. Do Not Turn Upside Down

**Inspiration finally kicking in: expect more of this in the next few days, I believe.**

**(Forgot to mention the website in my previous disclaimer, my bad. www (.) doheth (.) co (.) uk/funny/doomed).**

.

Roxas was once again found sitting on the couch, reading what appeared – this time – to be an old, by nearly five years, issue of Sports Illustrated. Though the atmosphere was far from the quiet he yearned to dwell in.

Tch, such a folly thought, with friends such as his.

Axel sat, splayed over all the parts of the couch not previously claimed by Roxas – and some that were – humming an uninterested tune as he flicked through all six hundred channels, over and over and over again.

Next to him in the massive chintz chair sat Zexion, book held loftily in hand, and a decidedly bored expression settled upon his features.

And to finish off this ragtag group of teenage testosterone was Demyx. So much could be said about the second blonde of the little group, who was sitting cross-legged in the rocking chair and gesticulating emphatically to anyone who was listening, but there were no words to really describe _who _he was. So no one ever tried – he was just Demyx.

And so Demyx – with the attention span of a frickkin' _gnat_ – broke off his own story mid word, loudly declaring, "I'm hungry!" to the room.

"Thanks for sharing," Axel replied blandly, never faltering in his quest for good TV. "Don't expect me to care."

Demyx, rolling his eyes and completely unfazed, got up. "Wouldn't have it any other way," he casually stated, ambling out of the room and in the direction of the kitchen.

Roxas, wary of anyone skulking about his kitchen – he was grounded for _weeks _after the scorch marks on the floor were discovered, courtesy of Axel – followed tentatively, slapping his magazine down on the coffee table with a mournfully resonating ThWUMP.

"Hungry too?" a muffled voice sounded from what sounded to be the crisper drawer from the refrigerator.

"Hmm," Roxas hummed, accompanied by an unseen noncommittal shrug. He all but fell into the chair that was conveniently pushed away from the table and studiously kept watch on the rummaging blond. Demyx had Murphy written all over him – anything that could go wrong, eventually did. But it wasn't _always _his fault. The universe had to take some of the blame, and even "God" shouldered a bit. We'll also throw in some dumped on Axel for good measure.

A brilliant epiphany later and Demyx retracted himself from the fridge, box in arms and a wide grin on his face. "Jackpot! Cake! Now how do I…?"

Demyx fumbled with how to open the box of _tiramisu _– not cake – he realized there were probably instructions somewhere on the box. The sides seemed futile so he checked the next best place.

"Wait, Demyx, no-!"

Roxas wondered once again why he bothered getting out of bed that morning. He cautiously crept up beside a crushed Demyx, staring despondently at the mess at his feet.

"There there. I'm sure there is something else you can have…" Roxas began, awkwardly patting Demyx's arm. Squelching a sigh, Roxas went to turn to find a towel, something to clean up the mess with.

But something on the box made him stop and nearly plant his face into his palm. Hard.

"**Do not turn upside down.**"

Roxas was really, really, really tempted to say something. And the only reason he left the room at all, was the quiet, barely perceptible pout that left him snickering for hours.

"But I really wanted the cake…"

+-+

_Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:_

_Do not turn upside down._

+-+

**7.04.09**


	3. Caution: Hot beverages are hot

**Quicker than last time, eh? Expect another one before I leave on vacation at the end of the week. Thanks to those who faved/reviewed/alerted, you guys rock.  
**

.

"Hurry up!!" a far too energetic voice buzzed above the bleating of the fast paced crowds, busy to move on with their lives. The voice schlepped his two companions out of the river of people, excitedly continuing, only slightly less shrill, "I need _sustenance._"

Roxas's head shot up so fast with a look of dawning horror, it gained the curiosity and amusement of the three he was sitting with – they never knew he could move so fast! But as fast as it came up, it went down, slamming hard on the table, mere centimeters away from knocking over the coffee in front of him.

"Why me? I just wanted a quiet, _peaceful _cup o' Joe. Is that really too much to ask for? _Is it?!" _was all he had to explain his previous actions, muffled slightly by the table. His head shot up again, this time with a glare to his companions, "I'm not here," and a hood was pulled up and over blond hair, face once again becoming quite intimate with the table.

Three simultaneous head turns, three simultaneous smirks. The bundle of sunshine beside them was – though he would deny it vehemently – related to the star on steroids who just walked into the coffee shop.

Demyx, the kindhearted soul he was, mock-sympathetically patted the disheartened blond on the top of the head, cooing that he understood Roxas's plight about annoying siblings.

Axel snorted from the other side of Roxas. "I thought you were an only child?" he asked, trying to muffle his snickers when Demyx found it necessary to wave emphatically at him, minus four fingers.

When he abruptly stopped, all but howling in pain, Zexion finally found interest in the proceedings with a raised eyebrow. "Shut. Up." Oh, apparently Roxas was having none of that noise, alerting the entire shop to their presence.

Two precious minutes and thirty-two awe-inspiring seconds later and Roxas thought that maybe he was finally in the clear. As he peeled his face two inches away to check his surroundings, a loud voice came up from right behind him, nearly making him screech like a little girl – which he squelched barely in time so he just sounded like a young boy going through some _changes - _"Hey _guys_!"

Jubilantly, almost _too _gleefully, Axel replied, "Sora! Wow, we didn't even see you there-"

"…though we heard you…"

"- Why don't you and your friends pull up some chairs!"

The screeching of chairs sounded as six people were now sitting around a table that was really only meant for two. "Cozy," Roxas murmured, considering the best way to "accidentally" spill his coffee all over Axel's lap.

"Well, actually," Sora, the abnormally chipper child who was almost _bouncing _in his seat, said, waving a vague hand towards his two friends, looking bored and out-of-place with the upperclassmen. "We probably wouldn't have even noticed you if you hadn't been making so much noise…"

"…calling the kettle black…"

Axel barely contained a snicker at Roxas's subtle commentary under his breath, being the only one who could hear him as he hid behind his relationship with the table. An irate blue eye peeked out at him, and he quickly calmed himself, for fear of Roxas's wrath. Again.

Roxas's eye roamed the half of the table he could see, and caught sight of his – he suppressed a shudder – brother's coffee cup. **Caution: Hot beverages are hot. **He smothered a snort. _'Thank you, Captain Obvious.'_

He paused, just barely. _'He _couldn't _be so… Could he?'_

Roxas's question was answered quite quickly. As Sora continued his detailed explanation to a Demyx who, if one were to look _very _closely, was trying to sleep with his eyes open – Axel would have to ask later if Demyx could give him tips, as his lids always tend to flutter – of what he and his friends had done today, he unwittingly grabbed his cocoa. His _hot _cocoa. That he figured it'd be a good idea to take a big gulp of.

Roxas was barely one brain cell away from just bashing his head against the table as hard as he could, for as long as he could. _How _could he be related to _that_?

Everyone pushed themselves away as quickly as they could as Sora spewed out the hot liquid. He looked sheepishly around and apologized profusely, cleaning the mess and expressed his amazement at the temperature of the liquid.

This time Roxas didn't have enough strength not to put effort into his ascent to the tabletop.

He also used the confusion the commotion caused to _accidentally _knock over his coffee in the direction of the annoying, redheaded _twit _sitting to his right.

+-+

_On a take away coffee cup:_

_Caution: Hot beverages are hot._

+-+

**7.08.09**


End file.
